In continuing our book report on When People are Big and God is Small, I want to underline the problem we looked at last time. Though the
issue we’ve been discussing can be called many things, the Bible refers to it
as “fear of man” (Proverbs 29:25).  I
have edited Welch’s descriptions of how fear of man might manifest itself in
our daily behavior. The reason I want to spend more time considering the
problem is because it comes up with embarrassing frequency in my own life.  Here is my own Jeff Foxworthy type of spin on
Ed Welch’s content.

“You may have a fear of man if…

• …you have ever struggled with peer pressure when
  you were younger.”  Often this will stick
  with us and can be revealed in adult ways, such as on our overly impressive
  resumes.
• …you are over-committed.” We often find it easier
  to pile it on, rather than just giving someone a difficult “no”.
• …you “need” something, like respect.”  What will happen if we aren’t respected? What
  will we do to get affirmation?
• …“self-esteem” is important.” Do you desire
  recognition, or even a grade acknowledgement to validate your identity?
• …you ever feel like you may be exposed as an
  imposter.” The possibility that we may be found out to be a failure in someone
  else’s eyes is incredibly scary.
• …you second guess your decisions based on what others
  might think.” We don’t want to look bad in the eyes of others.
• …you experience “love hunger”.” We want others
  to fill or complete us.
• …you are easily embarrassed.” We can be ruled by
  the acceptance of others.
• …you [tell] lies, especially little white ones.”
  Trying to keep our best foot forward often means implying, or stating, the
  other foot doesn’t exist.
• …other people’s successes create jealousy in us rather
  than joy.” We seem to experience real joy only when we receive accolades.

As you can see, these desires can be pervasive. Welch points
out that this even inhibits our obedience to God. “Have you ever been too timid
to share your faith in Christ, because others might think you are an irrational
fool?” Obviously, this happens too frequently. These little glimpses into our
thinking show the ubiquitous nature of this compulsion to be acceptable and
valued by others.  Too frequently we won’t
get our worth, identity and significance from others.

That is a very large problem. Next time we will consider a
biblical response, but here is a hint – Growth in our love of God can decrease
our need for the approval of others.

I have been re-reading Ed Welch’s book When People are Big and God is Small. The subtitle describes the book by saying it is about overcoming peer pressure, co-dependency, and the “fear of man’. I really enjoyed it the first time through, but I took it at a pace that was way too quick, because it was a “page turner” for me. I told myself I would pick it up again to digest it more thoroughly. Therefore, I have decided to read and think about a chapter a week. I am also going to post some thoughts as I read through it. I have told myself I will post a minimum of one entry per week.  I hope you will enjoy thinking through this subject with me and my book. The first posting is below.

Pastor Pat Perkins

It is called “reputation” among adults, “co-dependency” among those in the world of psychology, and “peer pressure” among children and teens; but no matter what term you use it amounts to being controlled by other people to some degree. All of us have a tendency to stand only on our perceived successes and hope for the favorable opinions of others. Moreover, how many times have we come to make a decision and then considered what others would think about us? Pretty often, right? This is the power of people in our lives.

Think of how we “need” love or respect from others. I am not really talking about society as a whole, but people who are close to us, the ones who matter. Moreover, this is true among Christians and non-Christians alike, because these needs seem very basic to all of us. For example, how many times am I the husband who wants his wife’s respect, or the pastor who wants people to appreciate the message?  Let me tell you it is much too frequent. Everyone shares my problem.

I listened to a women’s advisor at Princeton University say that the twenty Christian college women she mentors each week seem to want to be known by three things: making straight- A’s; being “hot”; and being authentic (enjoying who they are).  Any one of these is very hard; all three are virtually impossible. Therefore, the desire to be known as all three is completely defeating. No wonder figures show that 80% of women of this age segment are clinically depressed at some point or another in their college careers.

If these are the things we “need” or “want”, eventually we are going to find that others will not comply. What happens when someone yawns through the message I’m preaching?  Or when the professor doesn’t give you the “A”?  Or when people don’t give us the approval, acceptance, love, or respect we want? As you see, such pursuits are doomed for failure.

On top of that, we ought to realize that whoever or whatever we need will exert some level of control over us. Scripture describes this concept as the “fear of man” and points out the dead-end nature of this problem. Proverbs 29:25 says, “The fear of man lays a snare…” So essentially, the fear of man is a trap that all of us, at various times, find so enticing. Thankfully, there is a second half to this verse, “… but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe.”  More to come next week.

I follow a daily reading plan that helps me to read all of the Bible in a prescribed time. This morning while I was reading Job 28, two things stood out to me and sort of held me up. The first thing I noticed is that Job 28 is hard to understand, particularly the first part. Second, the chapter seems to be partially summarized by Job 28:28 with this statement: “And He said to man, ‘Behold the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom, and to turn away from evil is understanding.’”

Without much study (so I may be wrong) a couple of thoughts hit me concerning the characteristics of a real education that helps to develop you.

The first characteristic is that it activates you. Education shapes your emotion and will – “fear,” as well as your decision making and actions – “turn away”.  

Second, knowledge and understanding have a moral characteristic to them. Note the words “fear the LORD” and “turn away from evil”.

Can we conclude that the opposite is also true? In other words, can we say, “That which does not help you fear the LORD is not wisdom; and that which does not help you turn away from evil is not understanding”? I believe that we can.  

There are a lot of passages in the Bible that relate sin to foolishness and wisdom to moral excellence. I enjoy telling people, “Sin will make you stupid,” but Job takes the reverse when he says that “fear of the Lord is wisdom; and turning away from evil is understanding.” 

Therefore, if you are getting a formal education, additional training, or are pursuing personal development, that’s a good thing; yet this chapter of Job implies you have to evaluate your instruction by what it is promoting within you.

Genesis 2:18 says, “Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should live alone; I will make a helper fit for him.” A few weeks ago I ran across some census statistics, one of which stated that Americans were five years older when they first got married than they were 50 years ago. I was trying to think of whether that is a good thing. Here are the questions that immediately came to mind: When the pros and cons are realized, is single just as good as married? Are marriage and family to be seen as handicaps? Is a five year extension of singleness detrimental in some way? Is asking someone to be celibate for five extra years just too much? I realize your marital status might make you biased, but I would like to know your thoughts on the matter.

YOUNG ADULT MINISTRY

As young adults, many seek to find their purpose in life. During our young adult years, there’s often a desire to know what we were created to do and who we were created to be. It’s a way of consciously or subconsciously saying we want to know God’s will for our lives. Well, if we’re really serious about wanting to know God’s will for our lives, the implication is that once we know it, we will strive after it. So this ministry exists so we can walk alongside each other and assist one another in our pursuit of “trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord” (Eph 5:10).

Please tell me what type of Christian you are. You might be
thinking, “I didn’t know there is more than one type of Christian.” Well, I
must admit I used to think the same thing, too. Until recently, I thought the
only type of Christian that exists is the type that has been born of the Spirit
of God, and as a result has placed his or her trust in the Lord Jesus Christ,
and presently walks by that faith. In my mind, it was as simple as that.
However, with the many surveys that have been conducted over the years that
have shown the percentage of “Christians” who do this or do that, or etc., I’ve
come to realize that there is a type of “Christian” that merely checks a box on a
survey or adds Christian to his or her Facebook profile. It doesn’t matter
whether he or she has actually been born of the Spirit; it doesn’t matter
whether or not the person has a strong desire to live by the faith he or she
claims to have in Christ; it doesn’t even matter that the person might be one
of those to whom Christ will one day say, “I never knew you. Depart from Me you
who practice lawlessness” (Matt 7:23). It simply boils down to whether the
person checks the box on the survey or selects Christian as the religion choice
for his or her Facebook profile.

Now, let’s be clear – the person probably has good reason to
check the box. After all, he might remember a time that he walked to the front
of his church to say he wants to be saved. Or maybe she remembers asking God to
forgive her from all of her sins. Though a lot of time might have passed and
there might appear to be no evidence that the person seeks to live by the
teachings of Christ, we can’t deny the experience that the person says took
place. Therefore, we should not be surprised that the person would quickly
check the “Christian” box on the survey that seeks to get the response of
Christians regarding a certain topic. After all, even the person’s parents once
gave her or him the assurance that she or he is now a Christian.

So I encourage you to evaluate your life to see whether
there is any connection between who you claim to believe (Jesus) and the life
that you consistently (not perfectly) live. The good news is that if you’re
merely the type that selects the Christian box on a survey, it’s not too late
to trust Jesus Christ to forgive you of your sins and to be freed from the
power and punishment of sin. However, in order to know how you should proceed,
you must first answer the original question: What type of Christian are you?”

Mankind seems to have always had a problem with submission. I guess each of us has the “Do My Own Thang” syndrome. In fact, despite all that God provided for Adam and Eve when they were in the Garden of Eden, they refused to subject themselves to God’s instructions. They were given more freedom than we can even imagine. It was sort of like two people receiving a check card with unlimited cash and being instructed to shop where ever they want to shop, whenever they want to shop, and however frequently they want to shop, with one exception:  they may not go to one local cookie store that sits on the corner of M.L. King Blvd. There’s nothing wrong with the cookie store, but the owner of the card has the freedom to give whatever restrictions he pleases. However, in the case of Adam and Eve, they were duped into believing the one restriction God gave was preventing them from being truly happy.

Now if we’re honest, we must admit that the same type of mindset often clouds our judgment. For instance, it’s only natural for a young man to desire a young woman and vice versa. No one is going to say you’re wrong for having such a desire.  After all, such a desire should be seen as coming from God. However, as in the case of Adam and Eve, there are restrictions that come along with what God gives. He has told us that our desire for intimacy with another person is to be carried out and expressed in the context of marriage between a man and a woman. The world’s way says it’s okay to mess around and be involved in sexual activity outside of marriage. After all, it allows you to really get to know the person to see if that is the person with whom you want to enter marriage. While it’s understandable how someone can use that type of logic, there’s only one problem with it – it goes against God’s instructions. So here’s the question each person must ask himself or herself regarding all matters of life: “Am I going to do things God’s way or the world’s way?” No matter which way you choose, you will disappoint someone – either God or the world (including family and so-called friends). Hopefully, you’ll choose to disappoint the world.