Yet, if these are our expectations and needs, what happens when we live with others who believe the same things about themselves? Wouldn’t this type of thinking prove to be detrimental to college roommates, teammates, or spouses? In fact, the closer we get to others the more friction is created by these self-centered assumptions, which are detrimental to unity in every relationship. All that leaves us with are arrangements of arbitrated favors and quid pro quo arrangements – sex for acceptance…but not commitment, or companionship based on common needs.  This makes relationships meritorious. We wouldn’t be as crass as to say, ‘I am relating to you for what you can do for me’, yet as relationships get more one-sided, they are abandoned. The phrase “…till death do us part” has been replaced by “We’ll part when it gets to be too much”.

However, if the reality of Christ’s death and resurrection is a part of our relationships, and if faith and obedience are grounded in Him, then our needs, wants, and desires won’t determine the quality of our relationships. We will find ourselves focused on the life Christ builds by His instructions and example. Our relationships will be decreasingly about us and more about Christ. They will be less about our needs and more about flourishing according to God’s ends. This is not to say it will be easy- overcoming selflessness rarely is; however, doing so will lead to our ultimate benefit according to God’s redemptive purposes.     

Next we will start looking at some of the solutions that Welch advances in the book.

“The last two centuries have introduced God language that sounds fine but is divorced from biblical content. For example, The French philosopher Rousseau talked about God, but he found his god in nature. His god was all peace and goodness and he moved people to a feeling of worship. Rousseau shifted the focus from objective revelation (the Bible) to subjective experience (feelings), from other people to the inner life, and from loving God and neighbor to loving self.”

His point is well made. To hope in a god of our own imagination is really hopeless. To trust in a god who won’t let bad things happen is to really trust in an idol – that god doesn’t exist. Moreover, bad things actually happen. Therefore, Rousseau’s idea of drumming up subjectively good feelings based on self-will is no answer.

Good feelings ought to be a result of right thinking about truth. If the objective truth is not there, then why would a good feeling be produced? For example, why feel good about Jesus Christ if He didn’t rise from the grave? If He was not resurrected, then He either was a liar or was self-deceived; so why ground hope in Him? It takes the objective reality of the resurrection for Christ to have any current validity. It would be no good to have “Christ raised in our hearts”, but not from the tomb. It either objectively happened, or it didn’t. Faith must be grounded in an objective reality. David was a man with real problems who prayed to a real God and got real emotional relief, which allowed him to sleep well at night.

On top of that, to switch to a god of subjective feelings means I have to provide my own spiritual health. I must think good thoughts; I must interpret the world positively; I must provide emotional wellness for myself. This is an incredibly self-centered approach to life that will ultimately end in a crash.

How much better is the God who is objectively there whether we think rightly about Him or not? How much better is the Christ of the open tomb, whether or not we completely understand the implications of that truth? The “God who is” will always be more glorious than the “god I create”. Moreover, the “God who is” is the “God we need”.

Leviticus 1:4-5 says: “He shall lay his hand on the head of the burnt offering, that it may be accepted for him to make atonement on his behalf. ‘He shall slay the young bull before the Lord; and Aaron’s sons the priests shall offer up the blood and sprinkle the blood around on the altar that is at the doorway of the tent of meeting.”

By being the one who took the life of the animal the worshipper was symbolically acknowledging that his sin merited death, the highest punishment. He had to put his own hand to the bloody task of killing the animal to admit understanding and culpability.

Somehow we have lost the idea that sin requires death; and under the New Covenant the death was that of the God-man Christ. Yet, the Old Covenant graphically illustrates that I must admit that it was my hand that culpably killed Christ, if I am to have forgiveness.

Scripture is full of fearful men. Abraham lied about his wife to protect himself (Gen. 12:11-13); Joshua had to be told repeatedly to be courageous as he led the nation in an extended period of warfare (Joshua 1); David went to bed unsure he would awake before his enemies pounced (Psalm 56).  What we find is that these men, and others like them, had a checkered history of fear and bravery mingled together. At times of greatest faith, these men look to be bulletproof. Abraham on the mountain with Isaac, Joshua marching around Jericho, and David hurling insults at Goliath are all inspiring scenes.  However, as brave as those men were at times, they were occasionally gripped by fear. Moreover, there were times when their fears were expressed sinfully.

Here’s a quick quiz question:  What is the opposite of “fear”? If you think the answer is “bravery” then I would say that is the correct answer, except for one major problem – it’s contrary to the teaching of the Bible.  In Scripture the opposite of fear is faith.  When the disciples are afraid in the storm Jesus doesn’t question their bravery, but their faith. “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?”  (Mark 4:41)  To put a point on it, Jesus is commending faith in God rather than fear of the circumstances.

Be careful of what isn’t being said. Jesus is not saying, “The storm is not really that rough; you men don’t understand weather patterns on this sea. You are worried about nothing.”  In fact, it seems like the storm was everything it was cracked up to be. Moreover, Jesus is not saying, “You all are pessimists; you need to gain a more positive perspective.” A biblical understanding of threats does not say you read it wrong or that you are not really under a threat.  Biblical help assumes the situation is dangerous and that your evaluation is probably reasonable, although sometimes we do sinfully exaggerate threats.

Therefore, sinful fearing is to forget God when you are threatened. A physical or emotional threat ought to sharpen our thoughts about God and His promises instead of reducing us to atheists who operate as if He is not here. David shows where to go when threatened.

Psalm 27:1–4  “The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the defense of my life; Whom shall I dread? ² When evildoers came upon me to devour my flesh, My adversaries and my enemies, they stumbled and fell. ³ Though a host encamp against me, My heart will not fear; Though war arise against me, In spite of this I shall be confident. ⁴ One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the Lord And to meditate in His temple.”

The reality of the threat is mitigated by the greater reality of the security in the fellowship of the Lord.

God isn’t just the subject that we look at when we read scripture or think about theology; He becomes the glasses through which we rightly see everything else.

1. They can expose or humiliate us. (Shame)
2. They can reject, ridicule, or despise us.
3. They can attack, oppress, or threaten us.

Chapter 2 discusses the hold that people have on us when we fear being shamed. The paradigm is the shame Adam and Eve felt once they acted sinfully. “What was once a blessing – knowing and being known – was now a curse.” This feeling of shame explains the hiding and their attempt to clothe themselves.

While the Adam and Eve story illustrate the shame of sin because of something they did, Welch rightly points out that a victim can bear shame as well. Shame is often felt after having been taken advantage of, or even worse, assaulted. Leviticus 20 has several examples of an innocent person being “made naked”, or shamed, by the sin of another.

It is important to note that at the bottom of shame lies sin, either ours or someone else’s. There was no shame before sin – “they were naked and not ashamed”; nor will there be any shame when Christ makes all things right. Sin, either mine or someone else’s, causes shame. Shame is a fear that we will be exposed, and the real us will be known, even if it is not our fault.

Think of how different your public persona is from your private life, or even your thought life. What if there was no difference? What if we were known by another through and through, even down to our thoughts? In relationships, shame works against us. We would like to interact and have relationships with each other, but we just can’t take the risk of revealing too much of ourselves. We are naturally embarrassed to know each other at depths that reveal our own ugliness, whether it is the ugly sins in which we participate or the ugliness that has happened to us.

In order to get out from shame’s burden, it is important to understand what exactly makes us feel shameful. We should ask: Is it something I have done? Am I ashamed of a habit in which I indulge? Is it my conscience prompting guilt? Is it someone else’s sin that has made me a victim? The reason it is important to consider this is because the believer has an enemy who is an accuser before God (Rev. 12:10), and he is able to do devastating things with our sin. This is why it is important to think clearly about why we feel ashamed. Yet, defining the source of the feelings is not the end.

The gospel answer for shame is forgiveness – the forgiveness I must seek from God and others (1 John 1:9-10) or perhaps the forgiveness that I need to extend to my oppressor (Matt. 5:43-48). The righteousness that Christ imputes from the cross is God’s response to shame. As Welch stated, “The gospel is the story of God covering his naked enemies, bringing them to the wedding feast, and then marrying them rather than crushing them.” God makes the shameful righteous, no matter how degrading the sin and shame. By grace, God can clean a conscience and mute the accusers’ voices.”Since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water” (Heb 10:21-22).

“You may have a fear of man if…

• …you have ever struggled with peer pressure when
  you were younger.”  Often this will stick
  with us and can be revealed in adult ways, such as on our overly impressive
  resumes.
• …you are over-committed.” We often find it easier
  to pile it on, rather than just giving someone a difficult “no”.
• …you “need” something, like respect.”  What will happen if we aren’t respected? What
  will we do to get affirmation?
• …“self-esteem” is important.” Do you desire
  recognition, or even a grade acknowledgement to validate your identity?
• …you ever feel like you may be exposed as an
  imposter.” The possibility that we may be found out to be a failure in someone
  else’s eyes is incredibly scary.
• …you second guess your decisions based on what others
  might think.” We don’t want to look bad in the eyes of others.
• …you experience “love hunger”.” We want others
  to fill or complete us.
• …you are easily embarrassed.” We can be ruled by
  the acceptance of others.
• …you [tell] lies, especially little white ones.”
  Trying to keep our best foot forward often means implying, or stating, the
  other foot doesn’t exist.
• …other people’s successes create jealousy in us rather
  than joy.” We seem to experience real joy only when we receive accolades.

As you can see, these desires can be pervasive. Welch points
out that this even inhibits our obedience to God. “Have you ever been too timid
to share your faith in Christ, because others might think you are an irrational
fool?” Obviously, this happens too frequently. These little glimpses into our
thinking show the ubiquitous nature of this compulsion to be acceptable and
valued by others.  Too frequently we won’t
get our worth, identity and significance from others.

That is a very large problem. Next time we will consider a
biblical response, but here is a hint – Growth in our love of God can decrease
our need for the approval of others.

Think of how we need love or respect from others. I am not really talking about society as a whole, but people who are close to us, the ones who matter. Moreover, this is true among Christians and non-Christians alike, because these needs seem very basic to all of us. For example, how many times am I the husband who wants his wife’s respect, or the pastor who wants people to appreciate the message?  Let me tell you it is much too frequent. Everyone shares my problem.

I listened to a women’s advisor at Princeton University say that the twenty Christian college women she mentors each week seem to want to be known by three things: making straight- A’s; being “hot”; and being authentic (enjoying who they are).  Any one of these is very hard; all three are virtually impossible. Therefore, the desire to be known as all three is completely defeating. No wonder figures show that 80% of women of this age segment are clinically depressed at some point or another in their college careers.

If these are the things we “need” or “want”, eventually we are going to find that others will not comply. What happens when someone yawns through the message I’m preaching?  Or when the professor doesn’t give you the “A”?  Or when people don’t give us the approval, acceptance, love, or respect we want? As you see, such pursuits are doomed for failure.

On top of that, we ought to realize that whoever or whatever we need will exert some level of control over us. Scripture describes this concept as the “fear of man” and points out the dead-end nature of this problem. Proverbs 29:25 says, “The fear of man lays a snare…” So essentially, the fear of man is a trap that all of us, at various times, find so enticing. Thankfully, there is a second half to this verse, “… but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe.”  More to come next week.

Pastor Pat Perkins

Think of how we “need” love or respect from others. I am not really talking about society as a whole, but people who are close to us, the ones who matter. Moreover, this is true among Christians and non-Christians alike, because these needs seem very basic to all of us. For example, how many times am I the husband who wants his wife’s respect, or the pastor who wants people to appreciate the message?  Let me tell you it is much too frequent. Everyone shares my problem.

I listened to a women’s advisor at Princeton University say that the twenty Christian college women she mentors each week seem to want to be known by three things: making straight- A’s; being “hot”; and being authentic (enjoying who they are).  Any one of these is very hard; all three are virtually impossible. Therefore, the desire to be known as all three is completely defeating. No wonder figures show that 80% of women of this age segment are clinically depressed at some point or another in their college careers.

If these are the things we “need” or “want”, eventually we are going to find that others will not comply. What happens when someone yawns through the message I’m preaching?  Or when the professor doesn’t give you the “A”?  Or when people don’t give us the approval, acceptance, love, or respect we want? As you see, such pursuits are doomed for failure.

On top of that, we ought to realize that whoever or whatever we need will exert some level of control over us. Scripture describes this concept as the “fear of man” and points out the dead-end nature of this problem. Proverbs 29:25 says, “The fear of man lays a snare…” So essentially, the fear of man is a trap that all of us, at various times, find so enticing. Thankfully, there is a second half to this verse, “… but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe.”  More to come next week.